First Time in Forever Read online

  At the far edge of the beach, the forest crowded the edge of the water, and the setting sun sent a mosaic of warm light over the treetops and the sand.

  Lizzy was clutching the bucket Ryan had given her, now filled with shells and other interesting objects she’d found in the pools.

  As they sat down on blankets near the fire, Emily examined the contents of the bucket.

  “That’s pretty.” Skylar leaned across and helped herself to a piece of turquoise sea glass, the ends of her hair sweeping the sand. “Polished up, that would be gorgeous.”

  “Ryan, look!” Lizzy crawled over to him and dropped a shell in his lap.

  He picked it up and duly admired it. It was impossible not to respond to Lizzy’s enthusiasm, and he caught his sister watching him curiously.

  It was obvious from her expression she was wondering what he was doing.

  He was wondering the same thing.

  To give himself space from Lizzy’s impromptu show-and-tell, he rose to his feet and excused himself on the pretext of checking in with Anton, but Rachel reached him before he made it halfway across the beach.

  “What’s going on, Ryan?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Oh, please—” she anchored her dark hair with her hand “—you’re carrying Lizzy on your shoulders and looking at shells. Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”

  “You’re not funny.”

  “No, what isn’t funny is you using a child to get access to Emily’s body!”

  He ground his teeth. “Do you want to speak a little louder? I don’t think they heard you in Boston.”

  “It’s not fair, Ryan.”

  He swore under his breath and dragged his fingers through his hair. “That isn’t what I’m doing.”

  “Then what are you doing?”

  “Honestly? I don’t know.”

  “But you like Emily.”

  Like? Such an insipid word didn’t even begin to describe his complex feelings. “I sympathize with her situation.”

  “That wasn’t sympathy I saw in your eyes when you looked at her.”

  “Back off.”

  “We both know you’re not interested in taking on anyone’s kids long-term, so just be careful, Ryan. I’m thinking of Lizzy. She’s young. Kids get attached.”

  “Are you lecturing me?”

  “Yeah, so now you know how it feels.” She punched him lightly on the arm and walked back to the group at the far side of the beach, leaving him staring after her.

  She was right, of course.

  He wasn’t interested in taking responsibility for a child.

  He thought about Lizzy’s hands locked in his hair and the delicious sound of her giggle as he’d bounced her across the sand.

  What the hell was he doing?

  He’d told Rachel to back off, but he was the one who needed to back off.

  He talked to Anton for a few minutes, exchanged small talk with a few locals and then returned to where the others were sitting.

  Instantly Lizzy slid across the blanket to show him another shell, but this time he encouraged her to show Skylar instead and sat detached while they continued to sift through their personal hoard of treasure.

  When the food was ready, they used rocks to crack open the lobsters and ate until they were full.

  Ryan watched Emily, wondering why he’d never before seen a beach picnic as a sensual activity. There was too much licking of lips and sucking of fingers for his own personal comfort.

  The twins and Lizzy, tired from so much outdoor activity, fell asleep in a heap between Rachel and Lisa who were talking about plans for the summer. Skylar was still sorting through sea glass and shells, holding up each piece to the light of the fire to take a closer look.

  Emily leaned forward, too, and the soft fabric at the neckline of her dress gaped slightly, giving him an uninterrupted view of smooth, full breasts.

  Remembering exactly how they looked bare and aching for his touch, Ryan felt a raging hunger that had nothing to do with food.

  Lust was hot, liquid and brutal. The final straw was when he saw a couple of the male swimming instructors from the Ocean Club pool almost fall on their faces as they tried to get a better look at Emily’s luxuriant curves. Ryan gave them an icy glare that had them backing away, and then sprang to his feet.

  “I need to talk to Anton again.”

  Emily glanced up at him in surprise. “You’re leaving?” Her disappointment was so obvious he almost changed his mind.

  And then he saw his sister’s eyes narrow and knew he was in trouble.

  “I’ll be back.” He stumbled and planted his foot on a shell, earning his sister’s wrath.

  “Ryan! Get your great big feet off the blanket. Ugh. You have no idea how many of my paintings he ruined when I was little.”

  He turned his back on seashells, children and Emily’s curves and walked across the beach.

  Alec was deep in conversation with a couple of marine biologists, and Kirsti was dancing with one of the instructors from the kayak school.

  Across the sand he saw Jared end a conversation with a couple of lobstermen and glance toward Rachel.

  Ryan ground his teeth and carried on walking.

  His sister was right, her life was her business.

  He had his own problems.

  His problem caught up with him as he reached the edge of the beach.

  “Ryan!” She sounded breathless, and he clenched his jaw and turned.

  “What?”

  “I thought you were going to talk to Anton?”

  “He’s busy.” The truth was he’d forgotten about Anton; he’d been so intent on giving himself some space.

  “Is everything all right? Lizzy was all over you. I hope she didn’t make you feel uncomfortable. Or irritated.”

  Uncomfortable, he could have handled. Irritated, he could have handled. What he couldn’t handle was the fact he’d found her adorable. “She was great. Every kid loves the beach.” Too late, he remembered that she hated it. “Listen, Emily—”

  “It’s fine. You don’t have to walk on eggshells—or maybe I should say seashells.” A dimple appeared at the corner of her mouth. “Can I walk with you for a minute? I could use five minutes of adult time.”

  Unable to find a response that wouldn’t seem rude, he nodded. “Are you cold? Do you need a wrap or something?”

  “I’m fine.”

  It was a good job one of them was, he thought dourly, fixing his gaze on the rocks ahead. “When the tide is out you can walk right around to the next beach.”

  “It’s pretty. I was thinking about what you said the other day,” she said quickly, “about teaching me to swim. If you meant it, then I’d like to.”

  “You want to swim?”

  She pulled a face. “No, but I think I should. It’s important for Lizzy. I’m sending the message that water is scary and to be avoided, and that’s not only unfair, it’s dangerous. She needs to learn how to swim, and once she’s learned, I need to be able to take her.”

  “What changed your mind?”

  “Watching the kids in the water. They were having so much fun. And listening to Rachel and Lisa talking about all the summer activities they have planned at Camp Puffin. Beach camp, kayaking, sailing. I want her to be able to do those things one day. I thought maybe Agnes would be willing to watch Lizzy for an hour while you teach me. Would you do it?”

  He wanted to refuse. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

  Say no.

  “I’m sure. What would I need to bring?”

  His mouth was dry. “Just yourself and a bathing suit. But if you don’t have a suit, then—”

  “I have one.”

  He hoped to hell it hadn’t been chosen by Skylar, or they would both be in serious trouble. He was tempted to suggest a wet suit but then decided that wasn’t going to hide much, either. “Maybe you should wait a few weeks and—”

  “I don’t want to wait. Let’s s
et a time. That way I can’t change my mind.”

  He felt sweat bead on his forehead. “I need to look at my schedule.”

  “How about tomorrow? It’s Sunday.”

  “Weekends are our busiest time at the Ocean Club. Lunches are always crazy, and we’re fully booked for dinner.”

  “So how about five o’clock?”

  They’d walked as far as the next beach where the rocks opened up into a cave. When the tide was in, it filled with water, but right now it was a moonlit, cavernous grotto.

  It was a favorite tourist spot on the island.

  It was also a favorite haunt for teenagers looking for somewhere to have sex.

  “Ryan?”

  “Yeah.” His voice didn’t sound like his own. He was wishing he’d walked in the opposite direction. “Five o’clock should work. But if you change your mind, just let me know.”

  “Don’t let me change my mind, even if I go on my knees and beg you.”

  The thought of her on her knees almost made him stumble. “Emily—”

  “Look!” She tugged her hand from his and walked toward the cave. “This place is amazing. Did you know it was here?” Her almost childlike wonder was in direct contrast to the dark, carnal thoughts that filled every inch of his brain.

  “Yes.” He was so aroused, it was difficult to walk. “Be careful. The sea gets trapped in a few places and the pools can be deep.”

  “How far back does it go?”

  “When the tide is out, you can walk through to the next beach.” Or you could stop halfway and—

  “Lizzy would love it.”

  Even the mention of a child right now seemed inappropriate given that his thoughts were definitely adult only. “It’s a dangerous place. It fills up when the tide comes in. The coast guard has rescued more people from here than any other part of Puffin Island. Promise me you won’t come here without someone who knows the tides.”

  “I promise.” Her voice was soft, and she slid her arm into his. “And thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For not making fun of the fact I’m scared of water. For caring enough to warn me. I appreciate it.”

  He had a feeling she wouldn’t be thanking him if she could read his mind.

  The sound of music wafted on the breeze, and he knew a few people would be dancing on the beach.

  “We should go back.”

  “In a minute. Rachel is lovely. So warm and sweet-natured. Lizzy loved her instantly.”

  “Yes. Fortunately she’s nothing like me.”

  “You’re kind, too.”

  The breath hissed through his teeth. “I’ve already told you, I’m not kind.”

  “You’ve been very kind to me. You stayed with me when I had a panic attack. Most men would have run. You’re patient with Lizzy, even though I know you’ve already done all the child rearing you intend to do. And now you’ve offered to teach me to swim.”

  He must have been out of his mind. “About that—”

  “Thank you.” She stood on tiptoe and put her arms around him. “I’m so sorry I yelled at you.”

  He caught her arms in his hands. “Emily, I lied to you. You were right to yell at me. And I’m not kind.”

  “I think you are. And you lied because you didn’t want me to freak out. It was the right decision.”

  “Emily—”

  “I know you didn’t do it for me exactly, you did it for Brittany, but that makes you a loyal friend and I respect that.”

  His control snapped. “You want to know how kind I am? Right now I’m thinking of all the ways I could have sex with you in this cave without one of us injuring ourselves on the rocks.”

  She went still. “Here? Right now?” Her voice was breathy with shock. “Someone might come.”

  Yeah, you, he thought, but he managed to trap the words inside his brain for once instead of letting them escape from his mouth.

  “I tell you I want to have sex with you in an infinite number of positions and that’s what worries you?” He waited for her to pull away but she didn’t.

  Instead, she looked at his mouth. “Maybe if we did it quickly, we wouldn’t be caught.” Her voice was a whisper, and the gleam in her eyes made everything inside him tighten.

  “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that to me.”

  “Have you ever had sex in this cave?”

  “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that, either.”

  Her eyes danced. “I’m pretty sure you’re not a virgin, Ryan.”

  And he was pretty sure she was close to being one. He wondered how many lovers she’d had before Neil and decided he didn’t want to know the answer.

  She was certainly an outdoor-sex virgin, and he wasn’t going to be the one to do something about that.

  “We should go back.”

  “Not yet.” She rested her hand on his chest, her features indistinct in the moonlit cave. “I’ve been thinking a lot about that kiss. I wondered if you’d thought about it, too.”

  He’d been trying not to. “We should definitely go back.”

  “There’s something I want to do first.” She stood on tiptoe again and brushed her mouth over his, and his grip on control unraveled like the chain of an anchor that had been tossed overboard. When her tongue licked into his mouth, he could no longer remember why he was fighting this.

  Forgetting Rachel, Lizzy and all the obstacles he’d been trying to keep in the foreground of his brain, he buried his hands in her hair, angled his mouth over hers and kissed her back, opening her mouth with his, exploring those sweet depths with skilled, ruthless strokes of his tongue.

  He tasted the delicious sweetness of her and buried his hands in that glorious hair. She smelled of summer blossoms and rose petals, everything about her silky smooth and feminine. She pressed her luscious curves against him, winding around him like a delicate plant growing up a rough rock face.

  He felt her tug at his shirt and then slide her hands over his skin, and the feel of her brought him to his senses.

  The cave magnified sound. Her gasps blended with soft echoes and the hollow drip of water sliding off rock. From beyond the cave came the faint rush of moonlit waves hitting the sand and the distant sound of laughter.

  It was the laughter that penetrated his desire-clouded brain.

  He eased his mouth from hers and heard her moan a protest.

  “Ryan—” She breathed his name and opened her eyes reluctantly. “I want—”

  “I know what you want.” Despite the dim light, he could see the dark streaks of color on her cheeks.

  “But you don’t want the same thing. You’re not interested.”

  He wondered how the hell she could think he wasn’t interested, given that seconds ago she’d been welded against a part of him that should have told her exactly how he felt on that subject.

  He thought about what Rachel had said. He thought about Lizzy. “We should get back. People will wonder where we are.”

  She registered the rejection. “You’re right, we should get back.” She stepped away unsteadily, like someone absorbing a punch. “It was unfair of me to ask you to teach me to swim when you’re so busy. I’ll book with one of the swimming instructors.”

  He thought about the two swimming instructors who worked at the Ocean Club, both of who had almost fallen on their faces trying to look down Emily’s dress.

  “I’ll do it.”

  “That isn’t necessary. I can—”

  “I said, I’ll do it.”

  “In that case, I’ll see you at the pool tomorrow.” The exchange was awkward and stilted.

  “Sounds good.”

  It didn’t sound good at all.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  EMILY STOOD BY the entrance of the Ocean Club pool, shivering.

  If someone had told her a month ago she’d be dancing at a beach barbecue and learning to swim, she would have called them deluded.

  But here she was, with a bathing suit tight and uncomforta
ble under her clothes.

  When she’d first noticed it in the bag of clothes Skylar had delivered, she’d ignored it, thinking she’d have no possible use for it. As a result, she hadn’t taken a close look until five minutes before she was ready to leave the cottage.

  She’d always assumed one piece bathing suits were less revealing than bikinis, but not this one. Or maybe it was just that her shape wasn’t designed for it. And instead of sober black, the color that denoted seriousness in all things, it was red.

  Red for danger, Emily thought, which pretty much described her situation right now. Not just because of the water, but because of the man. Still, Ryan had made it clear he didn’t want to take their relationship further, so she didn’t need to worry about how she looked in the damn swimsuit. She could focus on the water itself.

  Fighting the urge to change her mind, she undressed in the changing room, pushed her clothes into a locker and wrapped herself in a towel.

  Ryan was alone in the pool, cutting through the water with powerful strokes that suggested an above-average athletic ability.

  Remembering what he’d told her about his shoulder, she wondered if he’d used the pool as part of his recovery from his injuries.

  When he reached the edge, he pulled himself out of the water in a lithe, fluid movement. His muscles bunched, and water streamed off those broad shoulders, droplets clinging to the dark hair that shadowed his chest. He was all sleek planes and streamlined power. Dazed by the vision of raw male strength, Emily blinked, reflecting on the unsettling discovery that apparently the mere sight of a man’s half-naked body could turn a thinking woman stupid. Everything around them faded, and she could see nothing except the glitter of his eyes as he scanned her from head to foot.

  Mouth dry, she tightened her grip on the towel.

  Her physical awareness was so acute she wondered how on earth she was supposed to concentrate on swimming with him in the pool.

  Even without her fear issues, she’d drown.

  “Hi.” He barely glanced at her before turning to pick up a towel from the bench near the water. In that moment she saw the vicious scars that curved over his shoulder and down his back. It looked as if he’d been mauled by a tiger.