The Magic of Christmas Page 15

  Christian smoothed his hand over her head, his jaw clenched tight as he struggled for control. ‘I should have realised. I knew something was wrong but I just thought you were upset about your mum leaving,’he said huskily. ‘You should have told me how you felt. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. Because I think of you as my daughter, it didn’t occur to me that you’d be worrying.’

  Chloe sobbed and sobbed. ‘I thought if I was bad I might have to leave you and Aggie and I love you both. I love you, Daddy.’

  ‘And I love you, too. And I would never, ever do anything that would hurt you.’

  Lara rubbed the tears from her cheeks and stood up, feeling numb inside.

  She knew that whatever she felt for Christian had to end, here and now. She’d glimpsed the depths of Chloe’s trauma and finally she understood his refusal to introduce more change into his daughters’ lives.

  He was right.

  It would be too much for them.

  How could she expect the children to take on yet another change when their lives had already been so cruelly disrupted? How could she expect Chloe to share her father with another woman? The child needed the security of knowing that she had no competition for his affection.

  And Lara had no intention of hurting his children.

  ‘I need to sort out some things in my room,’ she muttered, moving towards the door, intent on leaving them together.

  ‘Lara.’ Christian’s voice was soft. ‘Thank you.’

  Chloe turned her head, her face blotched and her eyes swollen from crying. ‘Yes, thank you. If it hadn’t been for you, I never would have said anything.’

  Lara managed a smile. ‘You would have got there in the end,’ she said quietly. ‘You’re a very close family. And close families always find a way.’

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  ‘HAVE you heard the latest?’ Jane waltzed into the staffroom. ‘Jack’s wife gave birth to a baby boy this morning. Mother and baby doing well.’

  ‘A baby boy?’ Rousing herself out of a state of misery, Lara managed a smile, knowing that she was referring to the psychic’s prediction. ‘She was having a girl.’

  ‘They got it wrong.’ Jane grinned. ‘Now I expect you’re spooked.’

  ‘Oh, of course.’ Lara rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to her coffee. ‘I’ll be delivering my own quads any moment now. Don’t be ridiculous, Jane, the psychic didn’t say anything about me meeting a man with traumatised children.’

  ‘I know, I know. It’s all nonsense. Oh, well, only two days until Christmas,’ Jane murmured as she rummaged in the fridge for some milk that hadn’t passed its sell-by date.

  ‘That’s right.’ Lara finished her coffee and stood up. ‘And only three weeks until I go to Australia.’

  Jane turned and looked at her. ‘You’re going, then?’

  ‘Of course.’ Lara turned her back and quickly washed her mug. ‘Why wouldn’t I?’

  ‘I thought—I hoped… You don’t have to be a genius to sense that something’s happened between you and Christian.’

  ‘Oh. Is it that obvious?’

  ‘You haven’t managed to cure yourself, then?’

  Lara stood for a moment, feeling numb. ‘No.’ She turned to Jane and flashed her a smile. ‘But don’t tell my mother.’

  ‘But if you love him—’

  ‘I don’t just love him.’ Lara abandoned her mug in the sink and wrapped her arms around herself to try and inject some warmth into her shivering body. She felt cold. So cold. ‘I also love his girls. And they’re the reason that nothing is going to happen between us. It can’t.’

  ‘But what if they—?’

  ‘They’ve had a very traumatic experience.’ Only willpower stopped her from sobbing as Chloe had. ‘I only recently realised just how traumatic. There’s no way I’m going to be responsible for rocking their little world a second time when they’ve only just found their feet. They deserve stability.’

  There was a long silence and then she felt Jane’s hand on her shoulder. ‘In that case, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry it didn’t work out.’

  Lara squeezed her eyes shut and tried to hold back the tears. ‘One of those things. Life showing its sense of humour. Right man. Wrong circumstances.’

  ‘Just focus on his flaws. Did you ever find one, by the way?’

  ‘Oh, yes.’ Lara hesitated and then gave a sad smile. ‘His flaw was that he was unavailable.’

  Jane sighed. ‘You don’t think if you—’

  ‘No.’ Lara interrupted her quickly. ‘I don’t. Anyway, back to work. Where do you want me? Resus? I don’t quite know what I’m going to do when I leave here. Will I know how to occupy my time when I’m not surrounded by bleeping machines and injured patients?’

  ‘You’ll have a great time with your brother and then you’ll meet a fit, healthy Australian male who will take your mind off everything.’ Jane’s voice was falsely bright and Lara looked at her.

  ‘Yes. That’s what I’m going to do. You’re a good friend. Have I told you that lately?’

  Jane leaned forward and gave her a hug. ‘You’re going to be all right.’

  Was she?

  Maybe. One day.

  And in the meantime she was going to put one foot in front of the other, do her job and try and forget just how much love hurt.

  * * *

  Why had he agreed to ice-skating?

  Christian watched as Lara made slow circles on the ice, as poised and graceful as a ballerina, her hands carefully guiding an excited Aggie.

  ‘Look at me, Daddy!’ Aggie’s voice echoed across the ice as she wobbled precariously, her bottom sticking out. ‘If Lara skates backwards, I can do it!’

  ‘You should try it, Dad!’ Chloe sailed past him, arms whirling, and crashed into the side of the ice rink. She turned to him with a grin, laughter brightening her face. ‘This is brilliant. Lara hasn’t taught me how to turn yet.’

  Christian pushed his hands deeper in his coat pockets. It was wonderful to see Chloe so relaxed and unselfconscious.

  Since her emotional confession, they’d turned a corner. She’d blossomed.

  Thanks to Lara.

  Lara was skating on her own now, executing spins and turns that made Aggie gasp and clap her hands with delight.

  ‘Look at Lara, Daddy!’

  He was looking.

  ‘You like her, don’t you, Dad?’ Chloe’s voice came from right next to him and he tried to keep his smile casual, cursing himself for being so obvious.

  ‘Of course. Who couldn’t not like Lara? She’s a nice girl.’

  ‘Girl?’ Chloe gave him a disbelieving look. ‘She isn’t a girl, Dad! She’s a woman.’

  Memories of the hot, passionate interlude in his office filled his brain and he loosened his scarf. He knew she was a woman.

  Aggie slid up to them, her arms outstretched like a tightrope walker as she struggled to keep her balance.

  Christian caught her and lifted her over the barrier and into his arms, skates and all. ‘So—have you had enough?’

  ‘I’m starving.’ Aggie was breathless and her cheeks were pink. ‘Lara said they sell hot chocolate here. It won’t be as good as hers, but can we have some? Please?’

  Lara skated towards them and glided to an elegant stop in front of the barrier. ‘Hot chocolate?’

  Was it his imagination or had he seen less of her since that night?

  She’d been busy, of course, but still…

  ‘Can I sit by you, Lara?’Aggie reached out her arms and Christian frowned and held on to her.

  ‘Lara can’t carry you. You’re too heavy.’

  ‘I’ll walk, then. I want to hold her hand.’Aggie wriggled and Christian removed her skates and put her down.

  They found a table for four right next to the ice rink and Christian ordered while Lara and the girls watched the skaters.

  ‘She’s good,’ Lara said, as a girl with a ponytail spun past them.

  ‘Not as good as y
ou.’ Aggie crawled onto her lap. ‘Where did you learn to skate?’

  ‘At school.’

  ‘Wow. I wish they did cool things like that at our school. We only do boring netball.’

  A waitress walked up to their table with a loaded tray. ‘Muffins, chocolate brownies, three hot chocolates and a mulled wine?’

  ‘I’m drinking the alcohol,’Christian drawled, and the waitress smiled and put the drinks on the table.

  ‘You look as though you’re all having fun.’

  ‘It’s amazing,’Aggie breathed, and the waitress studied her and then Chloe.

  ‘It’s nice to see a family out together. You girls look exactly like your mother.’ She smiled at Lara. ‘Taking a break from the Christmas shopping and the turkey?’

  Christian froze and Aggie frowned.

  ‘She isn’t our mother.’

  ‘Oh.’ The waitress looked embarrassed. ‘I’m sorry. I just assumed—You look so alike—Call me if there’s anything else you need.’ Her face scarlet, she hurried back towards the bar area, obviously eager to escape from her gaffe.

  Aggie was silent for a moment and then stared at her sister. ‘Why would she think that Lara is our mummy?’

  Chloe didn’t answer. Instead, she sat in silence, a slight frown on her face.

  Then she glanced at Christian, a question in her eyes.

  He managed what he hoped was a reassuring smile. ‘Everything’s fine, sweetheart. You have nothing to worry about.’

  But Chloe carried on staring and for an uncomfortable moment he had the feeling that she could see right into his soul.

  She was obviously worried that her life was going to be disrupted again and Lara clearly picked up the same signals because she put down her mug of chocolate and laughed.

  ‘It’s because we’re all blonde and wrapped up in scarves! She can’t see us properly. Anyone with two eyes in their head can see we don’t look the same. I have freckles, for a start, and my nose turns up at the end. You two are much more beautiful. Anyway, forget that. Come on, guys.’ Lara lifted Aggie onto the floor and jumped to her feet, her eyes sparkling. ‘I’m going to teach you both to skate backwards. It’s dead easy once you get the hang of it and it looks so cool.’

  With no apparent effort she’d defused the tension around the table and bent down to help the girls put on their skates.

  Christian studied her face, searching for clues as to whether she was upset, but it was impossible to tell because she was concentrating on his children and didn’t once glance in his direction.

  In no time at all they were back on the ice and she took it in turns to teach the children to skate backwards.

  The children giggled and shrieked and were obviously having an amazing time and Christian watched, wondering whether their happiness was going to be at the expense of his own.

  * * *

  It snowed again overnight and Christmas Eve was busy in the emergency department.

  ‘People should be at home, decorating their trees,’ Jane muttered as she directed yet another patient towards X-Ray.

  Lara nodded. ‘Can I ask you a favour?’

  ‘Ask.’

  ‘Can I run the treatment room today? I need a break from Resus.’

  There was a long silence. ‘You’re finding it that hard to work with him?’

  ‘Actually, yes.’ Lara didn’t bother with excuses or denials. ‘Pathetic, no?’

  ‘Not pathetic.’ Jane let out a long breath. ‘I’ll put Helen in Resus. But you know he’ll probably ask for you. He always does.’

  ‘There are plenty of good nurses in this department. And I’m only here for another few weeks.’

  ‘Yes.’

  At that moment Fran came dashing up to them, her hand over her mouth. ‘Oh, my—you’ll never guess what!’

  Jane and Lara glanced at each other and then back at the receptionist. ‘What?’

  ‘I’m pregnant!’

  Lara swallowed and Jane started to laugh. ‘You are joking.’

  ‘No.’ Fran shook her head, tears in her eyes. ‘I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant. That psychic woman said I’d be pregnant by Christmas and she was right. Can you believe it? At the time I thought she was delusional, but she obviously knew what she was talking about.’

  Without giving either of them the time to respond, Fran danced off down the corridor in search of someone else to tell.

  Jane cleared her throat. ‘She’s obviously pleased, then, is she?’

  Lara was staring at Fran’s retreating form with an expression of disbelief on her face. ‘Tell me she doesn’t think she’s pregnant because of the psychic. I mean—she does know the facts about human reproduction, I assume?’

  ‘Well, you’ve got to agree that it’s a spooky coincidence. I mean, first Jack has a little boy, even though the scan said it was a girl. And then Fran gets pregnant.’ Jane was smiling. ‘All that’s left is that for you to—’ She broke off and Lara gave her a withering look.

  ‘Oh, please! Give me a break! On second thoughts, you take a break. If you’re starting to believe what a psychic tells you then you obviously need one. I’m going to bury myself in the treatment room and I’m staying there until it’s time to go home.’

  But talking to Jane about leaving got her thinking and during her lunch-break she followed up some calls she’d made earlier in the week to nanny agencies. If she was going to Australia, she needed to find Christian some help.

  By the end of her shift she was tired and, when she saw Christian standing in the doorway, her heart sank.

  Not now.

  ‘Everything all right?’ She threw the remains of the dressing pack into the bin and washed her hands.

  ‘Have you been avoiding me?’

  ‘Of course not,’ she lied, ‘far from it. In fact, I wanted to talk to you.’

  He walked into the room and let the door swing shut behind him. ‘I’m listening.’

  She forced herself to continue tidying. It was the only way to be absolutely sure that she wouldn’t embarrass herself by throwing herself at him. ‘I’ve been asking round the hospital. One of the staff nurses on Paeds had an excellent nanny-housekeeper who’s leaving in January. She’d be perfect for you. I could help you interview her, if you like, before I go.’

  He frowned. ‘Lara—’

  ‘Obviously I have loads of things to do before I go to Australia. If we could persuade her to start immediately in January, I’d have time to clear out my flat and pack. If she could move in more or less straight away, that would be perfect.’

  ‘Lara!’

  ‘Don’t!’ She lifted a hand to stop him speaking, but didn’t turn to look at him. She didn’t dare. ‘Don’t say a word, Christian. It was special, we both know that. But it was also impossible. I finally understood that the other night, when I had Chloe sobbing in my arms. You’ve done such a good job as a father and because of you, the girls have weathered the trauma of your marriage break-up remarkably well. But I can see now that you’re right. They don’t need to worry that they’re fighting with someone for your affections.’

  She stood for a moment, desperately hoping that he wouldn’t argue with her.

  Desperately hoping that he would.

  But he said nothing at all and, when she heard the door crash, she glanced round and discovered that he’d gone.

  * * *

  ‘I’ve labelled my stocking because I absolutely don’t want to get Chloe’s toys.’ Aggie carefully placed her stocking by the fireplace. ‘Do you think this is the right place?’

  ‘It looks good to me.’ Christian glanced around him. The lights on the tree twinkled and the scent of cinnamon and cloves filled the sitting room. Twists of holly adorned the fireplace and candles flickered, creating a warm, cosy atmosphere. The huge comfy sofas were covered in toys and books that the children had been reading.

  The boxes were gone and the whole house felt lived in.

  Thanks to Lara.

  Aggie was looking at him. ‘Can
we leave a carrot for Rudolph?’

  ‘Carrot? I didn’t think to buy any.’ Christian wondered what else he’d missed. How was he supposed to know all these things?

  ‘Lara bought some. I saw a bag in the fridge.’ Aggie dashed off to the kitchen and returned with a carrot which she placed carefully in front of the fire. ‘For Rudolph. And one of Lara’s amazing mince pies for Father Christmas.’

  ‘Where is Lara?’ Chloe was sewing her name on her stocking. ‘I haven’t seen her since supper.’

  ‘I expect she had things to do in her room.’

  ‘Have you bought Lara a present?’Aggie stared at him, wide-eyed. ‘Did you forget?’

  Christian felt a flicker of guilt. ‘Actually, I did forget.’

  Lara had helped with all his Christmas shopping and he doubted that she’d remembered to include anything for herself.

  ‘You forgot?’ Aggie looked appalled. ‘How could you forget?’

  Because the last thing on his mind had been Christmas presents. All he could think about was being with Lara. And not being with her. It didn’t matter what he happened to be doing at the time, he couldn’t get her out of his mind.

  ‘It isn’t too late. The shops don’t shut for another two hours.’ Aggie scrambled to her feet, bouncy and excited. ‘We can dash out now and buy something special.’

  But he probably should have bought her something. She’d transformed his home, hadn’t she? She’d helped Chloe. It was because of her that he, Chloe and Aggie felt like a family.

  ‘She’s going abroad, Aggie. She doesn’t need anything.’

  Silence followed his words.

  ‘Can’t she stay?’ Aggie drooped. ‘It would be really great if she could stay as our nanny. She never yells at us to tidy up and last week I found my homework under a pile of her clothes. She’s so cool.’

  ‘She can’t be your nanny, Aggie.’ Christian kept his tone matter-of-fact. ‘But she and I have found a new nanny who is going to start in January. I think you’ll like her.’

  ‘I don’t want a new nanny. I love Lara.’Aggie’s lip wobbled and her voice was plaintive. ‘Don’t you love Lara, Daddy?’