Burned (Cosmo Red-Hot Reads from Harlequin) Page 9

  I was consumed by sensation and so was he. Excitement spiralled around us, drawing us closer, spinning a web that locked us together.

  He dominated me, drove into me with a relentless perfect rhythm until we both hit the same peak at the same time and exploded together in an overload of pleasure.

  The wildness of it shocked me and I think it shocked him a bit, too, because he rolled onto his back and folded me into his arms and held me there until both of us could breathe properly again.

  ‘Why didn’t you stay in Hollywood?’ I lay there filled with questions, wanting to uncover every secret, every hidden corner of him that I didn’t already know.

  ‘I enjoy coaching. Hollywood was a means to an end. I earned enough to be able to buy this place.’

  ‘And a cool car.’

  ‘That, too.’

  I asked him again about Thailand. He asked me about everything I’d been doing. We had a huge gap in our history and we filled it in together, learning, discovering. We were filling in the blanks. Joining the dots.

  We lay in bed, made love and talked. We talked about things we’d never talked about when we were together the first time. I didn’t even check my phone, because I was absorbed and time wasn’t relevant.

  We spent the whole weekend in bed.

  He rang for takeout food and walked downstairs to the door to collect it, but apart from that we didn’t leave his apartment.

  The hunger in him matched mine.

  I might have missed the fact it was Sunday night had a text not come through from Hayley. ‘I forgot to buy batteries but as I haven’t heard from you, I guess you don’t need them. :)’

  I was about to switch my phone off when another text came. ‘Be careful.’

  I knew she wasn’t talking about the sex. She was talking about my heart.

  And I realized I’d put myself at risk again. ‘Just sex’ didn’t mean spending an entire weekend with a guy, talking about every subject under the sun. It wasn’t getting to know him and wanting to know all the small things. But that was how I felt with Hunter. I wanted to know every corner of him. I wasn’t interested in superficial; I wanted depth.

  I just couldn’t help myself around him. I couldn’t stop myself falling.

  Hunter was watching me, sensing the change. ‘Are you all right, Ninja?’

  The endearment cracked me wide open and I realized in a rush of panic that I’d been kidding myself. This wasn’t just sex. With Hunter it never had been and it probably never could be.

  I’d thought that if our relationship was just about sex, I couldn’t be hurt but when my heart was involved? That was different. That made me vulnerable.

  I wouldn’t allow it to happen to me again.

  I had to protect myself.

  ‘I have to go.’ I shot out of bed without looking at him and rummaged for my clothes. ‘Hayley is at home.’

  ‘She’s not a kid.’ His voice was soft. ‘She doesn’t need a babysitter.’

  And I realized then that there was no point in being anything but honest, so I turned, clutching my shirt against me.

  ‘I can’t do this, Hunter. I thought I could, but I can’t.’

  He was very still. ‘Which bit can’t you do?’

  Love, I thought silently. I can’t do love. Not when it was one-sided. Not when all the feelings were mine.

  ‘This. Us. It’s going to make our working relationship awkward. People are already noticing and talking about us.’

  ‘Let them talk.’

  ‘It isn’t a good idea to sleep with the boss.’

  ‘I’m the boss and it seems like a good idea to me.’

  Whatever I said, he countered, pressing closer and closer to the truth, but I’d learned my lesson. This time around, my feelings were my problem, not his. I wasn’t going to dump them all over him again, as I had the first time.

  ‘Well, I’m the employee and it’s awkward for me. This has been fun, but it was a one-time thing. Just the weekend. From tomorrow we’re back to being how we were.’

  ‘And how were we?’

  ‘Colleagues. I don’t want to be intimate.’ But I realized that we’d never been anything but intimate, and with that admission came the unpalatable realization that I was probably going to have to leave my job because I was never, ever going to feel normal around this man. I wasn’t capable of feeling indifferent. ‘Just colleagues.’

  He gave me a long steady look. ‘Are you sure that’s what you want?’

  ‘I’m sure.’ I made for the door before he could see through the lies. Last time I’d smothered him in my feelings. This time I was going to spare him that. ‘I’ll see you at work tomorrow.’

  * * *

  I limped through the next few weeks, pretending I was fine. Every minute was torture. I gritted my teeth and counted down the hours until the weekend, when I didn’t have to see him.

  Three weeks after I’d done the ‘let’s be colleagues’ speech, I was lying in bed with the duvet over my head pretending to be asleep when I heard my sister open the door.

  Hayley wasn’t fooled. We’d shared a room growing up, so she always knew when I was asleep and when I was faking.

  I felt the bed dip as she sat down.

  ‘I have coffee, an untouched packet of chocolate biscuits or a glass of wine. You pick.’

  I didn’t answer. I hoped she’d go away, but of course, this was my sister, so there was no hope of that. Instead the duvet was tugged from my fingers and she wriggled into the bed and snuggled under the covers with me.

  ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

  I would have thought the duvet over my head would have answered that question, but Hayley wasn’t easy to deflect. ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘Right. Because not eating, sleeping or laughing is totally you, as is spending an entire Saturday in bed.’

  I wanted to say something flippant but my throat was clogged with misery. I hadn’t allowed myself to cry, but suddenly I was crying and my sister was holding me and she was muttering ‘Shh’ and ‘I’m going to kill the bastard’ as she stroked my hair.

  ‘Not his fault. My fault for loving the wrong man.’ I choked out the words but it didn’t stop her listing all the dire methods of torture she had in mind for Hunter Black.

  ‘You’re crazy about him. You always have been.’

  And suddenly I was telling her everything. How it had been at work, about that weekend, all of it. ‘When I’m with him, I can be myself. I never feel as if I’m being judged. He likes me the way I am. He doesn’t want me to join a book group or learn to bake cupcakes. He doesn’t care that I have a flat chest or that I like practising my kicks while we’re talking.’ I scrubbed my face with my hand and sat upright. My head throbbed from crying. ‘And he makes me laugh.’

  My sister looked at my swollen face and raised her eyebrows. ‘You’re not laughing now.’

  ‘That’s not his fault.’

  ‘Have you told him how you feel?’

  ‘After last time?’ I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose. ‘No way.’

  ‘Maybe he feels the same way you do.’

  ‘No. For him it was just about fun and sex. That’s how I wanted it to be, too!’ I shredded the tissue. ‘I’m going to have to leave my job.’

  ‘You love working there!’

  ‘Not anymore. It’s too hard. Too awkward and I don’t want to embarrass him a second time. I’m going to look for something else. And I know that makes me pathetic, but—’

  ‘It doesn’t make you pathetic.’ Her phone beeped to indicate a text but she ignored it. ‘You need to leave this bed and come out with us tonight.

  I managed a smile. ‘Just because I can’t get my own sex life sorted out, doesn’t mean I want to ruin yours. Go. Nico is texting you.’ I
gave her a push. ‘Go and have fun. You can borrow my shoes if you like. I don’t need them.’

  I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to go out again.

  She slid out of the bed and paused in the doorway. ‘I still think you should tell Hunter how you feel.’

  ‘This time around, it’s my problem. I’ll handle it.’

  But handling it drained me.

  Every time I saw him approaching, I dived for cover and I stayed later and later to avoid leaving at the same time as him, but he left late, too, because he was the boss.

  I stopped going to staff nights out, then decided not going made it look as if I was avoiding him, so I went and pretended to have fun on the dance floor. I concentrated so hard on ‘having fun’ I almost sprained my ankle.

  Proving I was fine was exhausting. My smile muscles were getting a more rigorous workout than my abs or my thighs.

  And then finally I heard I had an interview at a fitness club closer to home.

  I should have been thrilled. Provided I didn’t mess up the interview, this nightmare would be over. And then I realized taking this job would mean I wouldn’t see Hunter again. He really would be out of my life.

  And that was the biggest nightmare of all.

  ‘What are you doing for your birthday, Rosie?’ Caroline stuffed her bag into the locker and pulled out her water bottle.

  ‘I’m having a quiet night.’ I was going to hide under the duvet and hope that when I woke up a year older, I’d be cured of the way I was feeling.

  But my sister was having none of it.

  ‘You are not spending another Saturday night in bed watching TV. That’s not happening. I’ve planned you a surprise party.’

  ‘I really don’t—’

  ‘Shut up and get dressed in something warm. Wear that gorgeous coat you bought last winter. The short, sexy black one that makes you look like a Russian princess.’ She was checking her phone. ‘We need to go. Cab’s outside.’

  For my sister’s sake I washed my hair and dragged on my clothes. The black coat was a perfect contrast to my white face. I felt like crap and I looked like crap. I knew I needed to snap out of it. I was no fun to be with. And it was no one’s fault but my own. I’d played with fire. I’d been burned. Again.

  Hayley bundled me into the cab and handed the driver our destination on a piece of paper so I couldn’t see.

  ‘Don’t you think you’re taking this a bit far? I’ve lived in London all my life. I’ll know where we’re going.’

  ‘No, you won’t.’ She pulled a scarf out of her bag and tied it around my eyes while I protested.

  ‘Oh for...’ I thought it was overkill. ‘You’ll smudge my makeup.’

  ‘I want it to be a surprise.’

  ‘The surprise is going to be me looking as if I’m dressed for Halloween. Who is coming, anyway?’

  ‘Our friends.’ It was a suspiciously vague answer and I was starting to feel exhausted when she tugged off the scarf.

  ‘We’re here.’

  And in spite of everything, I smiled, because we were right next to the London Eye, my favourite place.

  ‘You booked a night flight? That’s perfect.’ I could see our friends gathered waiting and I felt a warmth spread through me. It was the closest I’d come to feeling happy since I’d broken it off with Hunter.

  I still had my sister. I still had friends. I’d got over him before. I’d get over him again.

  I could learn to live without breath-stealing excitement. I could afford extra batteries.

  We tumbled out of the cab and our friends swarmed around us. I was handed lots of interesting parcels and bags that my sister took away and tucked in a larger bag she’d brought with her.

  ‘You can have them later.’

  ‘What’s wrong with now? I can open them during the flight.’

  ‘You should be looking at the view and concentrating on the stuff that matters. Like my gift to you. It’s waiting in the capsule.’ She leaned forward and hugged me. ‘Happy birthday, Rosie. I hope it’s a special one.’

  ‘Why have you left my gift in the capsule? Someone might steal it. What is it?’

  She pulled away from me and gave me a long look, a smile and then a little push. ‘Go on, birthday girl. Find out.’

  Still looking at my sister, wondering what she’d bought me, I climbed the steps. I was expecting her to follow but she just stood there in the middle of our friends, watching with a smile on her face. I knew something was going on but I had no idea what.

  Only when I stepped into the capsule did I turn my head.

  Hunter stood there, with his back to the view, watching me.

  ‘Happy birthday, Ninja.’

  CHAPTER TEN

  I stared at him, felt a flicker of panic and then turned quickly to find my sister and the others but the attendant was sealing our capsule and the rest of my group were on the other side of the barrier, watching avidly.

  My eyes met Hayley’s accusingly and she blew me a kiss.

  I’d assumed my present was a trip on the London Eye, but I realized now her gift was Hunter. We were about to spend thirty minutes suspended over the city in our own private glass bubble. Just the two of us. Thirty minutes during which I had to hide how I felt about him. It was going to be the longest thirty minutes of my life.

  It was probably going to be the longest thirty minutes of his life, too.

  I felt awkward.

  He’d obviously been manipulated into it by my sister, but he probably thought I was behind it because it was just the sort of stunt I would have pulled at eighteen if I’d had the funds. ‘I’m sorry. I knew nothing about this. You should have said no.’

  ‘Do you wish I had?’

  I gave a casual shrug. ‘I love having friends around me on my birthday, but I’m sure there are a million other places you’d rather be. This was Hayley’s idea.’ I wanted to smile, but honestly, my face was exhausted. I had no idea why fake smiling was so much more tiring than real smiling but it was. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

  ‘No, it wasn’t. It was my idea.’

  The capsule was slowly rising upward but I wasn’t looking at the view; I was looking at him. ‘Yours?’

  ‘I know how much you love the London Eye. I thought it was time we talked.’

  ‘I see you every day at work.’ I was going to kill Hayley for agreeing, but I wasn’t going to be able to kill her until the capsule had finished its circle, which meant that for the next half an hour I was locked in an enclosed space with Hunter.

  ‘You’ve been avoiding me.’

  ‘I’ve been busy.’

  ‘But now you’re not busy, so you can listen to what I have to say.’

  ‘Sure.’ I shrugged and strolled to the glass, pretending to look at the view. I kept my back to him. Easier to control my body language that way.

  It bothered me that just occupying the same space as him could have this effect on me.

  The capsule rose slowly and I could see London spread out beneath our feet. Lights flickered across the dark surface of the river. It would have been captivating if I hadn’t been a captive. I saw his reflection in the glass and knew he was standing right behind me.

  ‘I want to talk about why I left.’

  ‘I already know. I was clingy.’

  ‘That isn’t why.’ He curved his hands over my shoulders and I wished there were an emergency exit or something, because the last thing I wanted or needed was to think about that time in my life. I’d die of embarrassment and I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to be good for tourism having a corpse in this capsule.

  ‘We don’t need to talk about this. I don’t blame you. I understand.’

  ‘No, you don’t understand.’ His tone was raw and his hands tightened on my sho
ulders. ‘I didn’t leave because I didn’t care. You didn’t drive me away. I left because I knew it was the right thing to do. But leaving was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.’

  I stood still. ‘It was hard?’

  ‘I was crazy about you.’

  My stomach curled. I felt a wild flutter of excitement that I killed instantly. ‘That makes no sense.’

  ‘When we met, you were vulnerable. Lonely and, yes, pretty messed up. I wasn’t sure of your feelings.’ He breathed deeply. ‘You were emotionally raw. Would you have wanted to be with me if that hadn’t been the case?’

  I wondered how he could possibly have come to that conclusion. ‘I was crazy about you, too. We spent every minute together.’

  ‘Exactly.’ He paused, his mouth tight. ‘And I didn’t want that responsibility. It didn’t feel right to me. It was too close to what my mother did. And yes, I was scared. I was afraid of letting you down, of failing you.’

  ‘So you went to Thailand?’

  ‘There were plenty of other places I could have trained, Rosie.’ He turned me gently so I was forced to look at him. ‘Why do you think I picked Thailand?’

  ‘Because you wanted to get as far away from me as possible.’

  He gave a humourless laugh. ‘You’re so wrong about that.’

  ‘You always wanted to train in Thailand.’

  ‘Train, yes. Not move there.’ His tone was raw. ‘I did it because I loved you and I wasn’t good for you. I left because I knew if I didn’t, we’d start it up again.’

  My knees were shaking. ‘You loved me?’

  ‘You know I did.’

  ‘No, I didn’t know! You never said.’

  ‘Maybe not those exact words, but I thought it was obvious. Do you remember your eighteenth birthday?’

  ‘Vaguely.’ I saw him smile and I couldn’t help it—I smiled, too. Crap. I was hopeless at playing it cool. ‘Oh, all right, yes, I remember it. Mostly because you drove too fast.’ And because he’d made it special. Every kiss, every stroke, every gentle touch, had made sure my first time would be the best. The way he’d held my head as he’d kissed me, taken his slow, thorough time to take our relationship to the next level. ‘We had sex. It was no big deal.’ It had been the biggest deal of my life.