Sunset In Central Park Page 22

  And then the ceremony was over and Frankie saw Ryan slide his hand behind Emily’s head and lower his mouth gently to hers.

  He didn’t kiss her. Instead, he said something quietly that was for Emily alone.

  It was only because Frankie was seated so close that she could read his lips.

  I love you. Always.

  Always?

  Frankie felt an ache in her chest. How could you promise something you couldn’t possibly be sure of? What happened? Did love change or did people change?

  She thought of her father, of promises and lies, and wondered when one had turned to the other. Had he meant the vows he’d said on his wedding day? Had he believed them and broken them or had he never really believed them in the first place?

  She saw Ryan’s hand slide from Emily’s head to her bump and linger there protectively while they shared a look that excluded everyone else. It was the most intimate, private moment Frankie had ever witnessed, and for that single fleeting second she actually believed that this was real. It surprised her, but what surprised her most was the deep-seated hope that it was real. That these two people had something that could last.

  She wanted to believe that, she really did.

  And then it was over and there was laughter and clapping and people crowded forward to offer their congratulations in person.

  Frankie stayed still, all the words jammed inside her.

  Matt’s hand covered hers. “Are you all right?”

  Was she? She wasn’t sure. Her head was filled with questions that she couldn’t answer. She wanted to talk to him, because Matt had a wise and measured view of the world whereas she saw everything through a distorted lens. But this wasn’t the place for that conversation. She couldn’t sit in the front row at someone’s wedding and discuss whether love was something that could really last.

  Watching Ryan and Emily, she almost believed that it could. It was like glimpsing a patch of blue sky in the middle of a storm. And the blue sky spread, as the wedding turned into a beach party and the guests ate lobster steamed in seaweed and cooked in wash kettles over open fires using water from the ocean.

  As darkness fell, Ryan slipped his jacket around Emily’s shoulders and pulled her in for a dance on the sand. And when Lizzy tried to join them he lifted her, too, and they danced in the firelight, the three of them together.

  A family.

  Frankie felt something she’d never felt before. A yearning, a deep, aching, empty place inside herself she hadn’t realized existed.

  Ryan had provided a stack of picnic blankets and Matt grabbed two plates of food and guided Frankie to a patch of sand slightly away from the main celebration.

  She curled up on the blanket, listening to the strains of laughter and music. Matt sprawled next to her. “Tell me what you were thinking back there.”

  “That this is the nicest wedding I’ve ever been to.”

  “That’s it? That’s all you were thinking.”

  She sat cross-legged and stared out to sea. “I’ve never really believed the whole happy-ever-after fairy tale, but Ryan and Emily seem so in love with each other.”

  “You don’t believe they are?”

  “I want to believe it.” She picked at her lobster, wondering how much to say. “When relationships go wrong, do you think it’s because they were always wrong or because the people changed?”

  “You’re asking me if people can be in love and then not be in love? Yes, I think that can happen. Life can put pressure on any relationship, but a strong relationship can survive it. My parents were under a lot of pressure when Paige was ill. They had some tough times, but they supported each other. I guess what I learned from watching them is that if you’re honest in a relationship, if you’re not afraid to say how you’re feeling and listen to how the person you love is feeling, then you can work it through. You can find a way.” He paused. “You’re thinking about your parents?”

  “I remember picking up their wedding photo once and thinking that they looked happy. I had so many questions about that photo. They were smiling at each other, as people do in wedding photos, and I wanted to know if it was real. Did my dad love her when they got married and then fall out of love? Or did he never love her?”

  “Your mom never talked about it?”

  Frankie shook her head. “At the beginning she was so upset and angry she couldn’t say a good word about him, and afterward she didn’t want to talk about him at all.”

  And Frankie had had questions. So many questions.

  “You’re not in touch with him, are you?”

  “He sent me a birthday card when I was fifteen and I’ve heard nothing since.”

  There was more, of course, so much more, but at that moment Ryan rounded everyone up and the party moved up to the sleek surroundings of the Ocean Club, where cocktails and champagne were served along with delicious seafood.

  Frankie noticed Alec Hunter again, but this time he was dancing with a beautiful woman with blond hair that poured over her shoulders like liquid gold. They were laughing together, and Frankie saw the flash of diamond on one of her fingers.

  Everyone seemed to be in love, she thought.

  People took that risk, time and time again. They jumped, even knowing that they could fall. She felt like a child shivering on the edge of a swimming pool, watching everyone else in the water, afraid to jump in herself in case she drowned.

  Everyone was so much braver than she was.

  “You’re doing too much thinking and not enough dancing.” Matt pulled her onto the dance floor, ignoring her protests.

  “I’m not great at dancing—”

  “That’s what you said about sex and look how wrong you were.”

  She laughed. “Do you want to say that a bit louder? I’m not sure Hilda heard you.”

  “Oh, she heard me, and if she didn’t she’ll hear it from someone else. That’s how things work on Puffin Island.” Grinning, unrepentant, he twirled her skillfully and she landed breathless against his chest.

  “I suppose you think that was smooth.” She gasped as he dipped her and then pulled her close. “Okay, that was smooth. Show-off.”

  “There are other things I could show you. Bigger things.”

  “That really would shock Hilda. You’re a good dancer.”

  “So are you.” He buried his face in her neck and she felt the warmth of his breath against her skin and closed her eyes. She’d never felt this way before, ever.

  “I didn’t think I could dance.”

  “I’m making it my mission in life to show you all the things you have wrong about yourself.” His mouth moved to her ear. “Shall we get out of here?”

  “I don’t want to offend the bride and groom.”

  “The bride and groom left half an hour ago but no one noticed. The secret is to leave without a fuss.” He took her hand and they weaved their way through the high-spirited crowd, through the door of the Ocean Club, but this time instead of taking the path to the beach as they’d done the night before, he headed back to the car.

  He drove back to Seagull’s Nest and opened the door to the cabin. “It’s still warm out. Do you want to sit on the deck for a while?”

  The deck was bathed by moonlight and the only sound was the soft crash of the sea hitting the rocks beneath them.

  “I’d like that.”

  Despite the fact that she was tired, Frankie was in no hurry to go to sleep.

  She’d been dreading this weekend, but now she wished it could last forever.

  She settled herself into the nearest chair and moments later Matt joined her. He had a bottle of champagne and two glasses in one hand and a sweater in the other.

  “Are you cold?”

  “A little.” She took the sweater gratefully and wrapped it around her shoulders, watching while he poured champagne.

  “To you.”

  “Why are we drinking to me?”

  “Because you saved the day and you survived sitting in the front row of a
wedding. That deserves a toast.”

  She took a sip of champagne. “I never thought I’d say this but it was a nice wedding.”

  “But …?”

  “No.” She shook her head. “There are no buts. Not this time.”

  “You’re saying you believe they might be happy?”

  She smiled. “You think I’m crazy, don’t you?”

  “No.” He tilted his chair back and rested his feet on the railings. “I think that stuff with your parents affected you badly. Your dad’s affair—when something like that happens it’s bound to shake your belief system.”

  It wasn’t something she talked about, but for some reason it was easy to talk to Matt. He wasn’t one of those people who thought listening was waiting for a gap in the conversation just so that they could talk about themselves. He didn’t just listen, he heard.

  “I knew about it, Matt.” The words spilled out, as they so often seemed to do around him. “I knew he was having an affair. For six months before he finally walked out, I knew and knowing was horrible. I didn’t know what to do. I was fourteen years old and I was in charge of a secret that could blow my family apart.”

  Matt didn’t move. For a moment she wondered if he’d heard her and then he stirred.

  “You never told anyone?”

  “No. My dad made me promise not to say anything.”

  “He knew that you’d found out?” The legs of the chair landed on the deck with a thud. He turned to face her, shock etched on his features. “Frankie?”

  “I found them together. I walked in on them having sex.”

  “Shit.” Matt dragged his hand over his face. “In your house?”

  “In my parents’ bedroom. My mom was away and I was supposed to be staying out late for drama club but it was canceled so I came home early. Mom had given me a key. Dad didn’t know that. I don’t think they talked much by that point. So I let myself in and then I heard my dad moaning and I thought he was hurt or something so I ran upstairs. The bedroom door was open and I—” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s just say that they saw me so there was no pretending for anyone. I locked myself in my bedroom and my dad was hammering on the door. I don’t know what he did with her. She must have left, I guess.”

  “Did you recognize her?”

  “Vaguely. She worked with him. He made me promise not to say anything right then. He kept saying ‘You don’t want to break up our little family, do you?’ and ‘It’s grownup stuff, Frankie, and you would never understand.’ And he was right about that—I didn’t understand. When my mom came home I stayed in my room and said I was sick. Which was true.”

  He took her hand, warming it between both of his. “You never told her?”

  She shook her head. “I had this secret and it was so huge it was as if another person had moved in with us. It sat at the dining table, and lay in my bed. I could never get away from it.” She stared out across the ocean, at the gunmetal sea and the dark shadows of the rocks. “I couldn’t concentrate. My grades dropped. A couple of my teachers asked if things were all right at home and I always said they were fine, but in reality my whole world was crumbling and I had no idea how to glue it back together.”

  “You didn’t tell Eva and Paige?”

  “No. They knew things weren’t great at home, but I didn’t give them the details. I didn’t want them to have the burden of knowing, and also I think part of me still hoped that if I didn’t talk about it, it might all go away. I think deep down I was still kidding myself that it might have worked out.”

  “It didn’t.”

  “No. I often wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t come home early that day. If drama club hadn’t been canceled, I would have stayed at school and I never would have known. She would have left the house before I came home and I wouldn’t have caught them. I wouldn’t have been in this situation where I couldn’t look at my dad across the dining table. My mom thought I was going through a moody teenage phase and she used to send me to my room.”

  There was a pause and Matt’s fingers tightened on hers, firm and strong. “Are you telling me that you blamed yourself?”

  “Not at first. At first I was confused because I’d thought my parents were happy. That was the scariest thing. If they’d had fights or seemed unhappy then I would have seen it coming, but I didn’t see anything at all. And it made me wonder what I’d missed. I still do that. I look at couples and I wonder what’s going on beneath the surface. What they’re thinking really. Are they happy really or is it all a lie?” She stared down at their hands. “After he left and my mother fell apart, I blamed myself. I was scared. She was in such a bad way I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted her to be herself again. I kept thinking that if I hadn’t found him with that woman, maybe he would have stuck around. Instead, my mom decided to prove she had everything a younger woman had, and my life went from scary to embarrassing. And the worst thing was I missed my dad. I was mad at him, but I still missed him so much. I had this great empty hole in my chest. I thought we were close. I couldn’t understand how he could just walk away from me.”

  Matt stood up and pulled her to her feet, wrapping her in a tight hug. “I’m glad you told me.”

  “I’m glad I told you, too.” She breathed in the scent of him, soaked up the strength. “At least now you know why I’m a mess. I don’t want to think about how many men my mother has been with since. She’s like a butterfly, flitting from plant to plant, sucking the best from all of them. Do you understand now why I don’t trust relationships?”

  “I understand, but Frankie—” he eased her away from him and smoothed her hair back from her face “—have you ever wondered whether the reason you’re afraid of relationships comes from what happened with your father, rather than your mother? He lied and cheated and then expected you to lie, too. He was the person you looked up to, and loved, and he let you down. It seems to me that’s the relationship that damaged you, honey, not your mother.”

  She sat in silence, letting his words soak in. “But—”

  “When the person you love and trust most in the world lets you down, where do you go from there?”

  She stared at him.

  Was he right?

  For years she’d thought her problems stemmed from her mother’s lifestyle choices. From the evidence that relationships were mostly fleeting and didn’t last.

  She thought about her father. He’d walked away without looking back, unimpeded by responsibilities or memories. He’d thrown them off like a snake shedding its skin, teaching her that there was no bond that couldn’t be broken, no declaration of love that couldn’t be withdrawn.

  “You’re right.” Her voice was croaky. “Why didn’t I see that? I was always closer to my dad growing up. He called me his ‘baby,’ his ‘little girl.’ If something happened at school, he was the one I told first. He taught me to swim, he took me sailing. He was like a god to me. When it all happened, at first I didn’t believe it. I didn’t know what to do. Every little secret he asked me to keep destroyed another part of our relationship. He made me part of his deception and I found that hard to forgive. I didn’t know whether to tell my mother or not.”

  “You were fourteen. No fourteen-year-old should have to make that decision.”

  “I lost all respect for him and—” she paused “—I lost my ability to trust.”

  “Of course. The one person every little girl should be able to trust is her daddy.” His tone was rough. “Did you tell her? Did your mom know that you knew?”

  “No. She was wrecked after my dad left. Some days I stayed home from school because I was afraid to leave her on her own. She kept sobbing over photo albums, staring at every image, wondering if he’d actually loved her then or if it had all been a lie. It almost destroyed her that he had an affair with someone half her age. I was scared to leave in the morning and scared to go home after school. I didn’t know what I was going to find. Paige and Eva took turns coming home with me. That went on fo
r ages, and then suddenly she woke up one morning and decided enough was enough. She got her hair cut, lost some weight, starting taking things from my wardrobe—” She shook her head. “It was almost easier to deal with her being upset because that only involved me. This new version of her involved the whole community. She drank too much and twice the police chief drove her home. I wanted to die. And I started to hate the island. Somehow, over time, I managed to equate this place with all the bad things that happened. I couldn’t wait to go to college.”

  “And how do you feel about the place now?”

  Matt’s arms were locked around her like a safety barrier, and she stared at the flicker of moonlight on the surface of the ocean.

  The world around her looked different.

  “I’d forgotten how much I love it. It’s so peaceful. You could live here and not know a single thing that was going on in the rest of the world. Also, it feels different. Back then it was all about my parents, but this weekend has felt as if it’s about me. About us. And it’s given me a different perspective on the past.”

  “You mean talking about your father?”

  “Not just that. I used to think the locals crossed the street to avoid me, but now I realize I was the one crossing the street because I was embarrassed to look them in the eye.”

  She leaned her head on his shoulder. “I think about it a lot. Whether I should have told my mother. Whether I should tell her now. Most of the time I think there’s no point, but there’s this big secret sitting between us like a wall and I can’t get past it. Before Dad left I was so scared and confused, and after there seemed no point because by then she knew anyway, and I was afraid of making it worse. She hated my dad, and I was afraid she’d hate me, too, if she knew.”

  “They were both adults, Frankie. You were the child. You shouldn’t have had to carry that burden and make those decisions.”

  She felt the stroke of his fingers through her hair. “You think I should tell her?”

  “No. But I wonder if it might help you feel better.”

  She looked at him. “Your relationship with Caroline didn’t stop you trusting?”