Sarah Morgan - Princes Waitress Wife Read online

  His gaze held hers for a long moment and then his hands dropped to his side. ‘I don’t know,’ he said hoarsely. ‘I honestly don’t know.’

  Her hopes crashed into a million pieces.

  ‘Don’t say that to me, Cas.’

  ‘You wanted the truth. I’m giving you the truth.’

  And this time it was Holly who walked out of the room and closed the door between them.

  ‘I’m worried about her, Your Highness. She isn’t eating properly and she cancelled an engagement this afternoon.’ Emilio’s normally impassive features were creased with worry. ‘That isn’t like her. I thought you ought to know.’

  Casper glanced up from the pile of official papers on his desk. ‘I expect she’s tired.’ Holly had been asleep when he’d finally joined her in the bed the previous night. Or had she been pretending? He frowned, wondering why that thought hadn’t occurred to him before. ‘And pregnant women are often faddy in their eating.’

  ‘The princess isn’t faddy, sir.’ Emilio acted as though his feet had been welded to the spot. ‘She loves her food. Even hot-tempered Pietro didn’t have a single tantrum when he was cooking for her. Since you came back from Rome two weeks ago, she has eaten next to nothing. And she’s stopped singing.’

  Casper slowly and carefully put down the draft proposal he was reading.

  She’d also stopped smiling, talking and cuddling him.

  Since that night in Rome, Holly had behaved with a polite formality that was totally at odds with her outgoing personality. She answered his questions, but she asked none of her own, and she was invariably in bed asleep by the time he joined her.

  She was dragging herself around like a wounded animal trying to find a place to die, and Casper gritted his teeth.

  He had no reason to feel guilty.

  And it should be a matter of indifference to him that his Head of Security clearly suspected that he had something to do with Holly’s current level of distress. ‘You are responsible for her physical well-being, not her emotional health.’ His tone cool, Casper closed the file on his desk. ‘It isn’t your concern.’

  ‘The princess was extremely kind to me when Tomasso was ill.’ Emilio stood there, looking as though a hurricane wouldn’t dislodge him. ‘I want to make sure nothing is wrong. Two days ago when she opened the new primary school she just picked at her food, and yesterday when lunch was sent up to the apartment it came back untouched. Shall I ask her staff to call the doctor?’

  ‘She doesn’t need the doctor.’ Casper pushed back his chair violently and stood up. ‘I’ll talk to her.’

  ‘I think she needs a doctor.’ In response to the sardonic lift of Casper’s eyebrows, Emilio coloured. ‘It’s just that, if there is something upsetting her, she might need to talk to someone.’

  ‘Talk to someone?’ Casper looked at him with naked incredulity. ‘Emilio, since when did a hardened ex-special forces soldier advocate talking therapy?’

  Emilio didn’t back down. ‘Holly likes to talk, Your Highness.’

  ‘I had noticed.’

  But he wasn’t talking to her, was he? Casper lifted a hand and rubbed his fingers over his forehead. ‘I’ll talk to her, Emilio. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.’

  Still Emilio didn’t move. ‘She might prefer to talk to someone outside. Someone who isn’t close to her.’

  ‘You think she won’t want to talk to me?’

  ‘You can be intimidating, sir. And you’re very—blunt. Holly is very optimistic and romantic.’

  Not any more. He was fairly sure he’d killed both those traits.

  Reflecting on that fact, Casper sucked in a breath. ‘I can’t promise romantic, but I will make sure I’m approachable.’

  ‘May I say one more thing, sir?’

  ‘Can I stop you?’

  Ignoring the irony in the prince’s tone, Emilio ploughed on. ‘I have been by your side since you were thirteen years old. Holly—Her Royal Highness,’ he corrected himself hastily, ‘Isn’t like any of the women you’ve been with before. She’s genuine.’

  Genuine? Casper shook his head, not sure whether to be relieved that she’d done such a good PR job on his staff, or exasperated that everyone just took her at face value. They saw nothing beyond the pretty smile and the chatty personality. Apparently it hadn’t occurred to a single other person that this baby might not be his. That genuine, kind Holly Phillips might have another side to her.

  That people and relationships were not always the way they appeared.

  He wondered whether his loyal Head of Security had known Antonia had been sleeping with his brother.

  ‘Thank you, Emilio. I’ll deal with it.’

  ‘Will you still be attending the fundraising dinner, sir?’

  Casper frowned. ‘Yes, of course.’

  ‘The car will be ready at seven-thirty, sir.’

  ‘One question, Emilio.’ Casper lifted a hand and the bodyguard stopped. ‘Which engagement did she cancel?’

  Emilio met his gaze. ‘The opening of a new family centre for children from split families, sir. It was an initiative designed to give lone parents support and children the opportunity to spend time with male role-models.’ He hesitated and then bowed. ‘I’ll arrange the car for later.’

  Casper stood still for a moment.

  Then he cursed long and fluently, cast a frustrated glance at the volume of work on his desk, and turned his back on it and strode through the private apartments looking for Holly.

  Holly lay on the bed with her head under the pillow.

  She had to get up.

  She had things to do. Responsibilities.

  But her mind was so exhausted with thinking and worrying that she couldn’t move.

  ‘Holly.’

  The sound of Casper’s voice made her curl the pillow over her head. She didn’t want him to see that she’d been crying. She didn’t want to see him at all. ‘Go away. I’m tired. I’m having a sleep.’

  ‘We have to talk.’

  She curled up like a foetus. ‘I’m still trying to get over the last talk we had.’

  She heard the strong tread of his footsteps, and then the pillow was firmly prised from the tight ball of her fists. ‘You’re going to suffocate yourself.’

  Holly kept her face turned away from him. ‘I think better under the pillow.’

  The pillow landed on the floor with a soft thud, and then she felt his hands curve around her and he lifted her into a sitting position. ‘I want to look at you when I talk to you.’ His fingers lifted her chin and his eyes narrowed. ‘Dio, have you been crying?’

  ‘No, my face always looks like a tomato.’ Mortified, she jerked her chin away from his fingers. ‘Just go away, Casper.’

  But he didn’t move.

  ‘The staff tell me you’re not eating. They’re worried about you.’

  ‘That’s kind of them.’ Holly rubbed her hands over her arms. ‘But I don’t fancy anything to eat.’

  ‘You cancelled your engagement this afternoon.’

  ‘I really am sorry about that.’ She wished he wouldn’t sit so close to her. She couldn’t concentrate when he was this close. ‘But the subject was a bit—painful. I just couldn’t face it. I will go, I promise. The visit is going to be rearranged. Just not this week.’ Why was it that she just wanted to fling her arms around his neck and sob?

  Terrified that she’d give in to the impulse, she wriggled off the bed and walked over to the glass doors that were open onto the balcony.

  A breeze played with the filmy curtains, and beyond the profusion of plants she could see sunlight glistening on the surface of a perfect blue sea.

  Although it was only early April, it promised to be a warm day.

  And she’d never felt more miserable in her life.

  ‘Forget the visit.’ Casper gave a soft curse and strode across to her, pulling her into his arms. ‘Enough, Holly.’ His voice was rough. ‘This is about Rome, isn’t it? We’ve been dancing round the iss
ue for two weeks. Perhaps I was a little too blunt.’

  ‘You were honest.’ She stood rigid in his arms, trying to ignore the excitement that fluttered to life in her tummy.

  She didn’t want to respond.

  ‘You’re making yourself ill.’

  ‘It’s just hard, that’s all.’ Holly tried to pull away from him but he held her firmly. ‘Normally when I have a problem I talk it through and that’s how I deal with things.’

  He cupped her face, his eyes holding hers. ‘Then talk it through.’

  ‘You make it sound so simple. But who am I supposed to talk to, Casper?’ Her voice was a whisper. ‘It’s all private stuff, isn’t it? I can just imagine what some of the more unscrupulous staff would do with a story like that.’

  His eyes narrowed. ‘You’re learning about the media.’

  ‘Yes, well, I’ve had some experience now.’ She was desperately aware of him—of the hardness of his thighs pressing against hers, of the strength of his arms as he held her firmly.

  ‘This is your chance to get your revenge.’

  ‘You really ought to get to know me, instead of just turning me into some stereotypical gold digger. I don’t want revenge, Casper. I don’t want to hurt you. I just want you to love our baby.’ And her. She wanted him to love her. ‘And the fact that you can’t…’ The dilemma started to swirl in her head again. ‘I don’t know what to do.’

  ‘You’ve lost weight.’ His hands slid slowly down her arms and his mouth tightened. ‘You can start by eating.’

  ‘I’m not hungry.’

  ‘Then you should be thinking about the baby.’

  It was like pulling the pin out of a hand grenade.

  Erupting with a violence that was new to her, Holly lifted a hand and slapped him hard. ‘How dare you tell me I should be thinking about the baby? I think of nothing else!’ Sobbing with fury and outrage, she backed away from him, his stunned expression blurring as tears pricked her eyes. ‘From the moment I discovered I was pregnant the baby is the only thing I’ve been thinking of. When you turned up at the flat, that day you were horrid to me, I spent two weeks going round and round in circles trying to work out what to do for the best, but I decided that, as this is your baby, marrying you was the right thing to do. Even when you told me that you believe you’re infertile I didn’t panic, because I know it isn’t true and sooner or later you’re going to know that too. Then you told me that you couldn’t ever love me and that hurt—’ Her voice cracked. ‘Yes, it hurt, but I made myself accept it because I kept reminding myself that it isn’t me that matters. But when you said you didn’t know if you could love our baby—’

  ‘Holly.’ His voice was tight. ‘You have to calm down—’

  ‘Don’t tell me to calm down! Antonia did a dreadful thing to you. Really dreadful. But that isn’t our baby’s fault. And now I don’t know what to do.’ She paced the floor, so agitated that she couldn’t keep still. ‘What sort of a mother would I be if I stayed with a man who can’t love his own child? I always thought that the only thing that mattered was to have a father. But is it worse to grow up with a father who doesn’t love you? I don’t know, and maybe I’ve done the wrong thing by marrying you, maybe I am a bad mother, but don’t ever accuse me of not thinking about our baby!’

  Casper muttered something in Italian and ran a hand over the back of his neck, tension visible in every angle of his powerful frame. ‘I did not say that you were a bad mother.’

  ‘But you implied it.’

  ‘Enough!’ It was a command, and Holly stilled, her legs trembling so much that she was almost relieved when he strode towards her and scooped her into his arms.

  ‘I hate you,’ she whispered, and then she burst into tears and buried her face in his shoulder.

  ‘Dio, you have to stop this, you’re making yourself ill. Ssh.’ He laid her gently on the bed and then lay down next to her and pulled her into his arms, ignoring her attempts to resist. ‘Calm down.’ He stroked her hair away from her face but Holly couldn’t stop crying.

  ‘I’m sorry I hit you. I’m sorry.’ Her breath was coming in jerks. ‘I’ve never hit anyone in my life before. It’s just that I so badly want you to love the baby. I need you to love it, Cas.’ She covered her face with her hands. ‘You don’t know what it’s like to have a father that doesn’t care. It makes you feel worthless. If your own father doesn’t love you, why should anyone else?’

  He gave a soft curse, rolled her onto her back and lowered his body onto hers.

  Then he gently removed her hands and wiped her face with the edge of the sheet.

  ‘Hush.’

  Still crying, she pushed at his powerful chest. ‘Cas, don’t—’ But her protest was cut off by the demands of his mouth, and within seconds she could no longer remember why she hadn’t wanted him to kiss her.

  The explosion of sexual excitement anaesthetised the turmoil in her brain and she kissed him back, her body responding to his.

  Only when she was soft and compliant did Casper finally lift his head.

  ‘Don’t use sex like this,’ she moaned, and he gave a grim smile.

  ‘I was trying to stop you crying. Now it is my turn to talk,’ he said softly. ‘And you’re not going to interrupt.’ He wiped her damp cheeks with a sweep of his thumb. ‘I won’t make you false promises of love. I can’t do that, and it wouldn’t be fair to you because I will not lie. But I do promise you this.’ His dark eyes locked with hers, demanding her attention. ‘I promise that I will be a good father to the baby. I promise that I will not walk off and leave the child, as your father did to you. I promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure that the child grows up feeling secure and valued. I accepted responsibility for the child and I intend to fulfil that responsibility to the best of my ability.’

  Numb, sodden with misery, Holly stared up at him. It wasn’t what she wanted, but it was a start. And, if he was prepared to do that for a child that he didn’t believe was his, perhaps once he discovered that he was the baby’s father then…

  He’d coped with hurt by turning off his emotions. Maybe nothing could switch them back on again.

  Her natural optimism flickered to life.

  But she could hope.

  ‘Your favourite lunch, Your Highness. Pollo alla limone.’

  ‘Yum.’ Holly put down the letter she was writing. ‘Pietro, you have no idea how grateful I am that you decided to leave England and work here for a while. The whole of the palace must be rejoicing. Not that the other chefs weren’t brilliant, of course,’ she said hastily, and Pietro smiled as he placed a simple green salad next to the chicken.

  ‘I’m not cooking for the rest of the palace, madam. Just for you. Those were the prince’s orders.’

  ‘Really? I didn’t know that.’ Thinking of all the other thoughtful gestures the prince had made since that terrible afternoon when she’d hit him, something softened inside her. ‘He brought you all the way over here, for me?’

  ‘His Royal Highness is most concerned about your comfort and happiness. But so are we all. You and the bambino. You say jump, we say “off which cliff?”’ Pietro beamed as he lifted a jug. ‘Sicilian lemonade?’

  ‘Don’t even bother asking. You know I’m addicted.’ Smiling, Holly held out her glass to be filled. ‘So, are you happy here?’

  ‘Si, because to see you blooming with health gives me satisfaction. And when the baby comes no one will prepare his food except me! I have talked to the gardeners, and we are designing a special vegetable patch—all organic and grown in the Santallia sunshine.’

  ‘Puréed Santallian carrot—’ Taking a mouthful of chicken, Holly almost choked as she noticed Casper standing in the doorway.

  Sunlight glinted off his dark hair, and he looked so outrageously handsome that her heart dropped.

  Why did she have to feel like this?

  It was no wonder she struggled to keep a degree of emotional distance when he had such a powerful effect on her.
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br />   Right from that very first day at the rugby, she’d failed to hold herself back.

  Even now, when she knew he had the ability to hurt her and her child, she was willing to risk it all.

  She swallowed the lump of food in her mouth and put down her fork. ‘I—I didn’t know you were joining me for lunch. Here—’ she pushed her plate towards him ‘—Pietro always cooks for the five thousand—we can share.’

  ‘No, madam!’ Appalled, Pietro clasped his hands in front of him and then remembered himself and bowed stiffly. ‘I can bring more from the kitchen.’

  ‘Grazie.’ Casper gave Pietro a rare smile and sat down opposite Holly, his eyes on the pile of envelopes. ‘You’ve been busy.’

  ‘I’m replying to all these children who are sending me pictures and letters. There are hundreds. And look, Cas.’ Relieved for an excuse to focus on something other than the way he made her feel, Holly put down her fork and reached for a pink envelope. ‘A little girl sent me this soft toy she made. Isn’t it sweet?’

  Casper’s brows rose as he stared at the object. ‘What is it supposed to be?’

  ‘Well, it’s…’ Holly studied the pink fluffy wedge closely and then frowned. ‘I thought it might be a pig, or possibly a sheep. I’m not absolutely sure,’ she conceded, ‘But I love it. She’s only six. Don’t you think it’s brilliant?’

  ‘So you are writing to thank her for sending you a something?’ Casper stretched his legs out, his eyes amused. ‘That is one letter I would like to read.’

  ‘I’ll think of something to say.’ Holly put the fluffy object away carefully. ‘People are so kind. And talking of kind…’ She bit her lip and looked up at him. ‘Thank you for arranging for Pietro to come here. And for flying Nicky out for a week. That was so thoughtful.’

  ‘I thought you needed someone to talk to. And she was very loyal to you when you were in trouble.’